The 5 – no 6 – no 7 – no 8 Love Languages

But wait… There’s more!

Thanks to the work of marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, most of us understand that each of these acts of devotion is an expression of our unique love language, Chapman’s name for the unique ways we express love to each other—and seek to be loved. 

Dr. Chapman’s original theory was borne out of his work with married Christian couples in the 1980’s and formalized in his 1992 book. Chapman’s work changed the way we think about relationships and has become part of the language that couples and counsellors depend on to talk about relationship dynamics. But the theory is also the product of a very different time, and a very limited and homogenous sample.

The original love language types laid out by Chapman are:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Physical touch
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Acts of service, and 
  5. Quality time

Is it time to update the list with some new thinking?  Here is the start of a conversation.

Here is a quick summary of some new ideas by Elle, Malone and London.


A new 1: so 5 + 1 = 6

Shared experiences is a new addition to the love language universe. According to PureWow, people who have this love language prioritize creating special memories with the person they’re in a relationship with. They actively seek out adventures and memorable experiences that they want to share with their partner, and doing so makes them feel loved.



Truity’s new 7 Love Styles test measures your preferences in regards to the newly identified seven styles. Here’s the breakdown:

  1. Activity

People who focus on the Activity love style feel special and valued when their partner takes an interest in their hobbies and activities and makes an effort to enjoy hobbies and interests together.

2. Appreciation

People who focus on the Appreciation love style feel loved when their partner gives them compliments, praise and thanks. They appreciate hearing explicitly what their partner likes and admires about them.

3. Emotional

Those who focus on the Emotional love style feel loved when their partner connects with them and supports them through difficult and scary emotions. Being present for the highs and lows is very important to those with the Emotional love style.

4. Financial

People with the Financial love style feel loved when their partner is generous with resources and sees value in spending money to bring their partner pleasure and joy. This love style may be expressed through gifts or just making space in the family budget for your partner’s enjoyment.

5. Intellectual

People with the Intellectual love style like to connect through the mind. They feel loved when their partner values their intelligence, respects their opinion and thoughtfully discusses important issues.

6. Physical

People with the Physical love style feel loved when they receive physical affection—hugs, holding hands and snuggles. They want their partners to show they’re attracted to them and initiate loving touch.

7. Practical

People with the Practical love style feel loved when their partners chip in with everyday duties and responsibilities. They feel cared for when their loved ones do chores and offer help.


A new 3 – so 5 + 3 = 8

  1. Shared Travel

Traveling together is not the same as quality time. It’s about discovering something new for the first time together – be it adventure, taking risk, and sharing a new experience. Discovering a culture, trying unfamiliar cuisines, and being thrown into different situations together can both test and strengthen a relationship – bringing you closer, or equally shifting the relationship dynamic toward breaking point. 

2. Healthy Debate

In a recent survey, Seeking discovered that PhD candidates receive 30% more interaction than any other degree type: “The fire of intellectual debate can fuel a relationship beyond its early stages, and make for a lasting, passionate connection that stands the test of time.”

3. Goal Sharing

This is a greater conversation surrounding modern dating, but it involves being in the position to both elevate your partner, and yourself through your relationship: “Be it emotionally, intellectually, or physically, it’s a love language that involves bettering your significant other in some way and gaining joy from seeing them succeed in their life and career when you have had a personal hand in it.”

Here are the source links:

Just over a week to go in 2016!


Just over a week to go in 2016!

What are you celebrating as your big accomplishments this year?
Personally, my 2016 exceeded my expectations. I have such a deep sense of satisfaction when I review this year.

So, as 2017 comes into focus, what’s on your mind?

Taking a little time near the end of the old year can be a terrific way to ramp up your new year. That’s what I am doing today, in preparation for my next year. Care to join me?

Here’s a recommended format, which takes about an hour and fifteen minutes. You’ll need three pieces of paper….

Click the link here to continue reading…


Happy Christmas.

LOVE ‘EM OR LOSE ‘EM – Getting good people to stay— from A to Z

What’s the Cost of Loss?

Countless research studies suggest that the cost of replacing key people runs between 70 percent and 200 percent of their annual salary. Hard costs can include advertising, search firms, interviewing and relocation expenses, and sign-on bonuses. And the softer, harder-to-measure costs can include time spent on interviewing, orienting, and training (and the work put on hold to do it), lost customers (due to their loyalty to the former employees), and declining morale and productivity on the part of remaining coworkers.

You can read the rest here…

2015-09-19 20.15.27

The Power of the “Why”


I enjoyed reading this article by Karen Mahlab.

She notes that she recently watched the TEDster talk superstar Simon Sinek talking about leadership. His line is people don’t buy what you do, they buy WHY you do it.

He says that trust and loyalty come from the identification with the Why – and the feeling associated with it comes from deep down in the ancient part of our brain called the limbic system.

You can read the rest here.

Business & Professional Mentoring Group 2015 – 10 Powerful Days

BPM portrait summary with OMD and enquire

Adapting to fast-changing global trends is vital for the success of the small business and professionals in business, requiring both a clear understanding of what a real strategy for business is, &  the ability to analyse your plotted future in a constructive & decisive manner.

I am partnering with Michael Delport to deliver this cutting-edge program – we both want you to achieve great impact & effectiveness.


Click the link here to continue reading…

The Leader’s Dashboard 2015 – 8 Vital Areas, all on 1 page

Leader's Dashboard - 8 areas

I help make the complex, simple.

It is not easy to stay grounded as a leader in a complex and evolving organisation.

I work with people to complete The Leader’s Dashboard at their own pace – it requires you to think, reflect, get advice and input from others, and prioritize.  You will remain calm and focused when others panic.

With The Leader’s Dashboard, you will develop a concise summary of all aspects that you as a leader faces, from vision for the organisation to key relationships

Continue reading here.

Change Your Mind to Change Your World


People are very complex beings.  I really enjoy working with people.

I have a few keys that help me understand human behaviour.  One of them is the power of the mind, and my responsibility to manage what goes on between my ears.

I have found many people who believe strongly in something, but then behave in the exact opposite way. This is because they have allowed a stronghold to develop in their mind that is different to theconviction in their inner-world.

The strongholds (good and bad) in my mind have been built one brick at a time. I allow thoughts to stack up my mind. I allow a stronghold or mindset to develop, which affects my behaviour despite what I believe.

A stronghold is a mindset, a powerbase, an attitude and a thought habit. A stronghold is:

  • A thought commitment to a course of action.
  • A thought habit producing instinctive behaviour
  • An attitude that dominates your emotions
  • A mindset that overrides reason
  • Something that has a strong hold on you.

Strongholds (good and bad) may or may not be built on a convictionin your inner world. Strongholds not built on a conviction are simply examples of positive or negative thinking. Convictions determine your believing, while strongholds determine your behaving.

You can change your mind to change your world.